Boys Reading

Grades 3 - 5 Behavior

What questions should I be asking my child's teachers?

Do you have any concerns about my child's behavior? If so, what is the behavior and how often is it happening?

  • It is important to define the behavior clearly to make sure you and your child's teacher are discussing the same problem. Ask your child's teacher to define the behavior by giving specific examples. If the behavior is described as defiant, ask "What does he do when he is being defiant?" You may find that you see the behavior at home either more or less after it's been defined with examples.
  • Ask the teacher how often the behavior occurs. Teachers and other school staff have different tolerances for behavior. Getting an idea of how often a behavior is happening will help you know whether you are being successful when you put a plan in place to reduce the behavior.

How much different is my child's behavior from the other students in the class?

  • If many other students are also doing the behavior, the teacher may want to put a classroom-wide plan in place to reduce the behavior. If your child is the only student with the behavior, than a plan that just works on her behavior may be better. It is sometimes helpful to determine whether the behavior is happening when your child is by herself, with a small group of students, or with a large group of students.
  • Children can act differently depending on the setting and what they are being asked to do. Some children behave better at school than home, while others behave better at home than school. Your child's teacher may see more or less challenging behavior than you see at home.


  • Teachers have different methods and approaches, but it may be helpful to describe what has worked in previous years to improve your child's behavior. What works for one teacher may not work with another, but sharing what has worked in the past with as much detail as possible can prevent problems before they occur.

What are your school wide behavior expectations?

  • Your child's school may have a set of behaviors (usually 3-5) that are taught to students at school called School Wide Behavior Expectations. The expected behaviors are taught in all of the different settings in the school where these behaviors could occur. Learning what expected behaviors are, may help you teach them at home as well.

How are you teaching and reinforcing appropriate behavior?

  • Teaching appropriate behavior may require teaching and modeling specific examples of what the behavior looks like. If these lessons are being taught consistently both at home and at school, your child may have a better opportunity to learn how to consistently apply these skills in all settings.
  • You may want to ask your child's teacher whether she is using a chart or other type of form to monitor your child's appropriate and challenging behaviors. If she is, ask the teacher to send a copy of the charts home on a daily basis, so you can know how your child did that day. You may want to provide a reward at home for appropriate behavior (stickers, snack, etc.). This strategy can also be effective with verbal praise and/or posting the good report on the refrigerator. It is important to focus on the positive behaviors and not the negative or unwanted behaviors.

Are the classroom rules and classroom behavioral expectations posted where my child can see them?

  • Postings of classroom behavioral expectations can help children become aware of their own behaviors. This is even more important for children in kindergarten and first grade than for children in the later grades. If there are no behavioral expectations posted, you could ask the teacher to post the expectations where your child can see them from his desk.

Ask your teacher how she would like you to communicate with her.

  • Parent involvement is very important, but knowing the best way to communicate with teachers isn't always easy. Teachers have different communication styles; some use email, some send notes home and some prefer phone calls. Ask your child's teacher her preference for keeping in regular communication, and how often she prefers each style of communication be used. How often you communicate may be different based on how severe the difficulty is you are trying to work on.

ask your child's teacher(s) about next steps.

  • If your child is showing a pattern of behavior that is affecting his academic outcomes and/or is resulting in suspensions from school, you may need to have a functional behavioral assessment done to develop a behavioral intervention plan.
  • Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA) will take a look at where the behavior is occurring, what happens right before the behavior, what the behavior is and what the student is "getting" out of his behavior. FBAs are sometimes done by a small team such as teachers and parents, and sometimes include other staff trained to work with student behavior.
  • Behavioral Intervention Plan  (BIP) is a plan that uses school resources to reduce challenging behavior and increase appropriate behavior.

When should I ask for help?

Ask for help with your child if...

  • he seems depressed or irritable, has changes in sleep habits (for more than a few nights), eats too little or too much (not related to illness), or stops showing enjoyment in his favorite games/toys.
  • she has tantrums or outbursts that result in hurting herself or someone else. Or, if tantrums last long periods of time and interfere with the family’s ability to function normally.
  • he refuses to go to school, frequently calls to come home, has repeated headaches or stomachaches that only occur on school days,
  • she does not interact with other children, does not seem to have friends at school, or does not join in any family activities but instead prefers to be alone.